Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
