U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
