so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
