I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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