Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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