i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
