i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
