a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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