You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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