Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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