Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
