I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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