What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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