I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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