Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
