I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
