and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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