u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
