My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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