Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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