i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
