Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
