does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
