Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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