Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
