Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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