Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
