I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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