I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
