Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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