What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
