i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
