Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
