she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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