Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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