youre lurking in front of me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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