dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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