also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
