WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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