Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
