Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
