i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
