I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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