this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love having hate sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
