I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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