I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
