it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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