I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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