I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
