The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
