I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
