hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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