Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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