soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
