he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
