Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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