Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
