I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
