Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
