all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
