Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
