I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize