Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
