He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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